Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Memorial Weekend
This weekend Monte and I had some much needed fun! It was Jay's birthday so all the family came to our house and we had a bbq and went rollerskating. Lincoln can now say that he has been rollerskating! Saturday night we followed Jay and Paula home and spent the rest of Memorial weekend with them. On Sunday we had some good lessons on miracles and were reminded that miracles do happen. We played games that night with Jayson and Carrie, mom and dad. On Monday we woke up and went down to city hall and ate breakfast. After that we went up to the Cemetery in Bloomington to see Grandpa Ward, Carter (Nate & Jessica's son) and Brandon (Monte's cousin). It was freezing cold and the girls did not want to stay very long. We were able to pick out a burial spot for Lincoln, it was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. He kicked my belly as we were at the Cemetery and I knew that know matter where he is laid to rest that he will always be with us. When we got back to mom and dad Ward's we got out some binoculars to see if we could see Lincolns spot from the house and we are pretty sure that you will be able to see a light from there. Mom and Dad Ward will always be able to keep an eye on him! The rest of the day was spent relaxing and watching Paula and Maggie make bread. She was grandma's little shadow all day and wanted to help grandma do everything. She helped her make a fire and then helped her grind the wheat to flour or flowers as Maggie would say! Paula was really patient with her and let her help with everything. Maggs came home with her own little loaf of bread that she doesn't want to eat yet. I got lots of good pictures and came away remembering that it's the small and simple things that matter the most!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Come what may and love it!
I was reading some blogs today, which I should really stop doing it just makes me cry and remember the reality of everything. I came across this video and love it. I need to remember to laugh, seek for the eternal, understand the principle of compensation and trust in the Lord.
I keep thinking that each day will get a little easier because I know what is to come but the reality of it is that everyday is a little hard but I need to LOVE it! I may only have 9 months to spend with Lincoln but I will love every minute I get to spend with him. I love being pregnant with him and love him more than words can express.
Quote for the day
Faith in something greater than ourselves, enables us to do what
we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to
keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely
uncertain.”~ GORDON B. HINCKLEY
Dr. Draper
Yesterday Monte and I went and met with the specialist doctor from U of U, Dr. Draper. He is so kind and helped us understand more. We spent a little over an hour just looking at Lincoln. It was so nice to be able to look at his body and to see all of his unique features. I saw his little club foot and his clenched hands and it made me remember how special he really is. I LOVE his little hands! They are so cute how his fingers fold over the others...we got some good pic's! His spina bifida is bigger than what I had expected. Looking at it on the screen compared to other parts of his body made me a little worried. It is all enclosed which is good and will help so he doesn't get an infection after birth. Lincoln was a little stinker and made us fight to see his face. He has the cutest little nose, it reminds me a lot of Maggies. Okay...I think everything is absolutely adorable on him!
I have always had a feeling that there is a really good chance that Lincoln won't make it to birth but after yesterday I am praying so hard that I can delivery him and just hear him cry one time! I want that memory! It is so crazy to see him moving around my belly like a normal healthy baby would and to know that as soon as he comes out that everything changes.
Mommy loves you so much Lincoln, I pray that you will continue to grow strong and that you will always know how much you are loved, and loved by so many!
(So our scanner doesn't copy pictures onto the computer so I am going to have to figure out a way to get his ultrasound pic's on here. They are so cute!)
I have always had a feeling that there is a really good chance that Lincoln won't make it to birth but after yesterday I am praying so hard that I can delivery him and just hear him cry one time! I want that memory! It is so crazy to see him moving around my belly like a normal healthy baby would and to know that as soon as he comes out that everything changes.
Mommy loves you so much Lincoln, I pray that you will continue to grow strong and that you will always know how much you are loved, and loved by so many!
(So our scanner doesn't copy pictures onto the computer so I am going to have to figure out a way to get his ultrasound pic's on here. They are so cute!)
Friday, May 20, 2011
Invite Only
Today I invited a bunch of people to view our blog about Lincoln. I am sure that there are other family members that I can invite and just don't have their email address to do so. If you can think of anyone that I might not have added or want to know if I did add them than just ask!
I hope you all can feel a sense of peace as you read about Lincoln and also get more of an understanding about Trisomy 18.
Please, please leave comments! We plan on turing this into a book so we can have as many memories we can about Lincoln.
I hope you all can feel a sense of peace as you read about Lincoln and also get more of an understanding about Trisomy 18.
Please, please leave comments! We plan on turing this into a book so we can have as many memories we can about Lincoln.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
The big day!
Yesterday Monte and I went in to meet with Dr. Cox. We got the test results back that Lincoln has Trisomy 18. We asked the doctor a million questions about what to do now and where we should be headed. Monte and I came out of our meeting feeling pretty good.
Here is what Trisomy 18 is:
Trisomy 18, also known as Edwards syndrome, is a condition which is caused by a chromosomal defect. It occurs in about 1 out of every 3000 live births. The numbers increase significantly when early pregnancy losses are factored in that occur in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters of pregnancy.
Unlike Down syndrome, which also is caused by a chromosomal defect, the developmental issues caused by Trisomy 18 are associated with medical complications that are more potentially life-threatening in the early months and years of life. 50% of babies who are carried to term will be stillborn, with baby boys having higher stillbirth rate than baby girls.
What causes Trisomy 18?
At conception, 23 chromosomes from the father and 23 chromosomes from the mother combine to create a baby with a set of 46 chromosomes in each cell. A trisomy occurs when a baby has three #18 chromosomes instead of the normal two. This is something that happens at conception. And although many parents worry about this, it is important to know that parents have done nothing before or during pregnancy to cause this disorder in their child.
What are the characteristics of Trisomy 18?The genetic material from the extra eighteenth chromosome can cause a variety of problems with varying severity. Just as children with Down syndrome can range from mildly to severely affected, the same is true for children with Trisomy 18. This means that there is no hard and fast rule about what Trisomy 18 will mean for your child. However, statistics show that there is a high mortality rate for children with Trisomy 18 before or shortly after birth.
Typical characteristics of Trisomy 18 include:
Hopefully the above will help you understand Trisomy 18 a little better. I encourage those that are reading this to do a little research yourself. There are lots of support groups out there for parents and families of Trisomy babies.
Monte and I feel very blessed to have Lincoln in our lives. We don't really know what to do next, we know we have to plan for his arrival at any time and we also need to plan a funeral neither of which will be an easy task.
Here is what Trisomy 18 is:
Trisomy 18, also known as Edwards syndrome, is a condition which is caused by a chromosomal defect. It occurs in about 1 out of every 3000 live births. The numbers increase significantly when early pregnancy losses are factored in that occur in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters of pregnancy.
Unlike Down syndrome, which also is caused by a chromosomal defect, the developmental issues caused by Trisomy 18 are associated with medical complications that are more potentially life-threatening in the early months and years of life. 50% of babies who are carried to term will be stillborn, with baby boys having higher stillbirth rate than baby girls.
What causes Trisomy 18?
At conception, 23 chromosomes from the father and 23 chromosomes from the mother combine to create a baby with a set of 46 chromosomes in each cell. A trisomy occurs when a baby has three #18 chromosomes instead of the normal two. This is something that happens at conception. And although many parents worry about this, it is important to know that parents have done nothing before or during pregnancy to cause this disorder in their child.
What are the characteristics of Trisomy 18?The genetic material from the extra eighteenth chromosome can cause a variety of problems with varying severity. Just as children with Down syndrome can range from mildly to severely affected, the same is true for children with Trisomy 18. This means that there is no hard and fast rule about what Trisomy 18 will mean for your child. However, statistics show that there is a high mortality rate for children with Trisomy 18 before or shortly after birth.
Typical characteristics of Trisomy 18 include:
- Heart defects:
- VSD (Ventricular Septal Defect): a hole between the lower chambers
- ASD (Atrial Septal Defect): a hole between the upper chambers
- Coarctation of the aorta: a narrowing of the exit vessel from the heart
- Kidney problems
- Part of the intestinal tract is outside the stomach (omphalocele)
- The esophagus doesn’t connect to the stomach (esophageal artesia)
- Excess amniotic fluid (polyhydramnios)
- Clenched hands
- Pocket of fluid on the brain (choroid plexus cysts)
- Rocker bottom feet
- Delayed growth
- Small jaw (mycrognathia)
- Small head (microcephaly)
- Low-set ears
- Strawberry-shaped head
- Severe developmental delays
- Umbilical or inguinal hernia
Hopefully the above will help you understand Trisomy 18 a little better. I encourage those that are reading this to do a little research yourself. There are lots of support groups out there for parents and families of Trisomy babies.
Monte and I feel very blessed to have Lincoln in our lives. We don't really know what to do next, we know we have to plan for his arrival at any time and we also need to plan a funeral neither of which will be an easy task.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Temple Blessings
Monte and I got a babysitter for the girls and headed to the temple on Friday night. I was a mess before I even went into the session knowing that I was pondering little Lincoln and the trials ahead of us. I loved sitting there and listening and feeling Lincoln move around. I was reminded of some things...
First, before we come to earth we chose to follow Heavenly Father instead of Satan. There was a huge war in Heaven and angels personally lead Satan out of heaven.
Second, we chose the family that we wanted to come to earth with.
Third, we knew that life would be hard and we knew the trials that we would be faced with before coming to earth but we knew that we needed a body to be able to return to our Heavenly Father again and we were willing to come at this time and face our current challenges.
Fourth, Satan works hard on some many people because he doesn't want us to be able to return to live with our Heavenly Father again.
So my conclusion out of our temple session. Lincoln has a very strong spirit, which was felt in the temple by both Monte and I. Who knows if he is one of the Angels that escorted Satan out of heaven or who fought on the battle lines for God, he is someone special that God does not want Satan to be able to tempt or hurt. Lincoln knows that because of his strong spirit and his love for God that he will be faced with many abnormalities here upon the earth. Lincoln is fine with it and wants to gain a body so he can someday return to live with our Father in Heaven.
Lincoln has chosen Monte as his earthly father because of his faithfulness and willingness to serve the Lord. Monte has much faith and could move a mountain if needed. This faith will be needed to administer the priesthood to our family and bless Lincoln.
Lincoln has chosen me to be his earthly mother because of the love that a mother feels for her children. I will nurture, love, fight and pray for him until my knees are weak and I can no longer stand.
Lincoln has chosen Jayda to be his elder sister because of her unique ability to always comfort those around her. Lincoln knows that his mommy will need lots of special love from his big sister. Jayda loves Lincoln so much and will always help him.
Lincoln has chosen Maggie to be his big sister because of her unconditional love. She is always there to hug and kiss my belly and make Lincoln feel like a million bucks. She will sing him songs and talk to him. I think he has a special bond with her because he always starts to kick when she is around or talking to him.
We chose Lincoln because he is one of God's Angels. He has already taught me that the little things in life don't matter. He has taught me to love more than I thought my heart was capable of. He has taught me patience. He has reminded me that families are Eternal and that one day we will all be together in Heaven.
First, before we come to earth we chose to follow Heavenly Father instead of Satan. There was a huge war in Heaven and angels personally lead Satan out of heaven.
Second, we chose the family that we wanted to come to earth with.
Third, we knew that life would be hard and we knew the trials that we would be faced with before coming to earth but we knew that we needed a body to be able to return to our Heavenly Father again and we were willing to come at this time and face our current challenges.
Fourth, Satan works hard on some many people because he doesn't want us to be able to return to live with our Heavenly Father again.
So my conclusion out of our temple session. Lincoln has a very strong spirit, which was felt in the temple by both Monte and I. Who knows if he is one of the Angels that escorted Satan out of heaven or who fought on the battle lines for God, he is someone special that God does not want Satan to be able to tempt or hurt. Lincoln knows that because of his strong spirit and his love for God that he will be faced with many abnormalities here upon the earth. Lincoln is fine with it and wants to gain a body so he can someday return to live with our Father in Heaven.
Lincoln has chosen Monte as his earthly father because of his faithfulness and willingness to serve the Lord. Monte has much faith and could move a mountain if needed. This faith will be needed to administer the priesthood to our family and bless Lincoln.
Lincoln has chosen me to be his earthly mother because of the love that a mother feels for her children. I will nurture, love, fight and pray for him until my knees are weak and I can no longer stand.
Lincoln has chosen Jayda to be his elder sister because of her unique ability to always comfort those around her. Lincoln knows that his mommy will need lots of special love from his big sister. Jayda loves Lincoln so much and will always help him.
Lincoln has chosen Maggie to be his big sister because of her unconditional love. She is always there to hug and kiss my belly and make Lincoln feel like a million bucks. She will sing him songs and talk to him. I think he has a special bond with her because he always starts to kick when she is around or talking to him.
We chose Lincoln because he is one of God's Angels. He has already taught me that the little things in life don't matter. He has taught me to love more than I thought my heart was capable of. He has taught me patience. He has reminded me that families are Eternal and that one day we will all be together in Heaven.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Hope
Last night Monte and I laid in bed and looked at some pictures of a girl he went to High School with. She has a little girl that was born with some of the same problems as Lincoln. I believe her little girl has Trisomy 21 (downs) but I am not sure. All we had was pictures to go off of but she has spina bifida and also club feet. Her mom took incredible pictures of their journey through many surgeries. She had to have her feet broken and put back into a cast. The day after she was born she went in for her first surgery on her Spina bifida. She had heart surgery and also had to have a drain in her head. Looking at her now pictures she is a happy and healthy 2 1/2 year old. She is the cutest girl EVER. Her feet look perfect and everything about her looks like a normal little girl.
She gave me so much HOPE that Lincoln, even though he may be born with all these abnormalities and health problems that over time we can help him become a happy and healthy little boy that can have a chance at a full life. We don't know yet how severe Lincolns conditions are but I am going to keep praying that he will grow and that he will make it to 40 weeks so we can do everything possible to give him the best chance at life.
We love you Lincoln thank you for helping mommy see the world in a whole new light! It's amazing the things that I thought mattered or were important just don't seem to matter any more. I used to stress that the house was a mess or the kids would change their clothes 10 times during the day. Now I am just grateful I have two beautiful princesses that can mess up my house and I don't care if they change their clothes...I can wash them! Before we found out about Lincoln's conditions I was stressing out because I felt like I was yelling all the time and that my house just seemed discontent. My patriartichal blessing talks about how I would have harmony and peace in my home. Now I am trying to have that harmony in my home, to just breathe and let some things go. Life is to precious to worry about all the little details of life, the laundry, the dishes, the unmade beds it can all wait!
She gave me so much HOPE that Lincoln, even though he may be born with all these abnormalities and health problems that over time we can help him become a happy and healthy little boy that can have a chance at a full life. We don't know yet how severe Lincolns conditions are but I am going to keep praying that he will grow and that he will make it to 40 weeks so we can do everything possible to give him the best chance at life.
We love you Lincoln thank you for helping mommy see the world in a whole new light! It's amazing the things that I thought mattered or were important just don't seem to matter any more. I used to stress that the house was a mess or the kids would change their clothes 10 times during the day. Now I am just grateful I have two beautiful princesses that can mess up my house and I don't care if they change their clothes...I can wash them! Before we found out about Lincoln's conditions I was stressing out because I felt like I was yelling all the time and that my house just seemed discontent. My patriartichal blessing talks about how I would have harmony and peace in my home. Now I am trying to have that harmony in my home, to just breathe and let some things go. Life is to precious to worry about all the little details of life, the laundry, the dishes, the unmade beds it can all wait!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Our Lincoln Blog
I am starting a new blog mostly for myself but also for family and friends that want to know the updates and follow how Lincoln is doing. Hopefully he will leave a long legacy and this blog will go on for years to come.
The beginning:
It was April 27, 2011, that was our scheduled ultrasound. Our appointment was at 3:30 pm and I was anxiously waiting to see our little baby and to find out what we were having. Monte took the afternoon off and we took the girls with us. Jayda and Maggie didn't really know what to think at the time, just that they were seeing mommy's baby on the tv. The ultrasound tech got busy and was looking around at all of his little body parts. She tried to tell what gender he was but he had his legs crossed and the umbilical cord was between his legs. After a half hour or so she looked one more time and said, "it's a boy!" I was so excited because I new in my heart that we were having a boy and also because it meant that Monte was not going to buy a bullet bike I had promised him if we were having a girl. When the tech was looking at Lincoln she said that he was measuring at 16 weeks and 6 days, I was at 19 weeks so he was measuring small.
After our ultrasound I had an appointment with Dr. Cox. I asked him about the baby being so small (of course I was worried they would move my due date to October 7th, which is what the ultrasound was saying). He said that he would take a look at the ultrasound and then give us a call. At that moment I had a feeling that something was going on but that feeling passed as the week went on. The following Wednesday I got a call from the doctors office saying that Dr. Cox wanted to meet with me the next morning. I immediately began to cry knowing that something had to be wrong with our little boy. I got a blessing from Monte that night that I would be able to sleep and worry about what the doctor had to say the next day. On Thursday Monte went to work and we carried our morning along just like any other one. I took the girls to a friends house and then went over to the doctors office. I tried to stay as calm as I could sitting in the doctors office. They got me right in and told me to go and sit in Dr. Cox's office. I knew that was another sign that something was going on. They handed me a box of tissues and I waited for the doctor to come in. Dr. Cox came in and immediately told me what was going on. He said that our little boy had a chromosome abnormality and had several other birth defects. He has spina bifida and VSD ( Ventricular Septal Defect) and several other defects. He said our baby either has Trisomy 18 or Trisomy 21.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I knew that our news was bad but I didn't imagine it would be this bad. I asked the doctor what he thinks we should do next and we agreed that I needed to get an amniocenteses done to find our exactly what Lincoln has.
My appointment was set for Monday. We called and talked to our family members and let them know what was going on. It seemed that with everyone we told it got a little harder and harder. I was grateful to my friend Jamie who kept my kids for awhile that day so Monte and I could talk about things and just hold eachother and cry. It was hard to think that just a week before in our minds we had a healthy baby boy and now we are dealing with a special angel that might not make it to his first birthday. We know that we have a special angel with us and we must be amazing people to be trusted with one of God's angels. We know that he will help us through this and bless little Lincoln.
So that is where we are now. I got the amniocenteses done on Monday, i was terrified for the procedure just because I didn't know what to expect. It went really good and wasn't as bad as I thought. Monday night I started having some strong contractions and some cramping so we went to the hospital around 10:30 at night. It turned out that my uterus was just under stress from the amniocenteses and everything was okay with Lincoln.
Now we just wait two weeks to find out the results. Each day I shed a tear for little Lincoln. I pray that he is not in any pain and that he will continue to grow so he can be with us for a little while. Our girls don't know what is going on with Lincoln yet but they know that something is going on. They have given me and Lincoln extra hugs and kisses. It is fun seeing them talk to him and tell me things like mommy the baby really wants this...and they try to give me cereal or candy or anything they think Lincoln wants.
I have a hard time keeping my other blog up to date but I plan to use this as a little journal and write down my thoughts and stories as time goes on. I have read several other blogs about families going through this same trial. Their blogs have left me uplifted and have filled me with hope, hopefully I can do the same for all of you who are going through this with us. Right now, this blog is set to private so only I can read it. When I am ready and we are ready for the world to know our story I will open it up for everyone to read.
I love you Lincoln and am so glad I get to be your mommy, even if it's only for a short period. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have that families are eternal and that some day I will return to live with my heavenly father where my son will be waiting with his arms open to give me the hug that I will be longing for. I am so grateful for my two healthy and beautiful princesses who keep me going every day. It's amazing how something like this can change your attitude about life and how precious our children really are. I want Monte to know that I love him so much and I am glad that I have him by my side to help me along the way and to pick me up when I am down. I am blessed beyond means that he is worthy to hold the priesthood and to give me the healing power that our Heavenly Father has given us.
The beginning:
It was April 27, 2011, that was our scheduled ultrasound. Our appointment was at 3:30 pm and I was anxiously waiting to see our little baby and to find out what we were having. Monte took the afternoon off and we took the girls with us. Jayda and Maggie didn't really know what to think at the time, just that they were seeing mommy's baby on the tv. The ultrasound tech got busy and was looking around at all of his little body parts. She tried to tell what gender he was but he had his legs crossed and the umbilical cord was between his legs. After a half hour or so she looked one more time and said, "it's a boy!" I was so excited because I new in my heart that we were having a boy and also because it meant that Monte was not going to buy a bullet bike I had promised him if we were having a girl. When the tech was looking at Lincoln she said that he was measuring at 16 weeks and 6 days, I was at 19 weeks so he was measuring small.
After our ultrasound I had an appointment with Dr. Cox. I asked him about the baby being so small (of course I was worried they would move my due date to October 7th, which is what the ultrasound was saying). He said that he would take a look at the ultrasound and then give us a call. At that moment I had a feeling that something was going on but that feeling passed as the week went on. The following Wednesday I got a call from the doctors office saying that Dr. Cox wanted to meet with me the next morning. I immediately began to cry knowing that something had to be wrong with our little boy. I got a blessing from Monte that night that I would be able to sleep and worry about what the doctor had to say the next day. On Thursday Monte went to work and we carried our morning along just like any other one. I took the girls to a friends house and then went over to the doctors office. I tried to stay as calm as I could sitting in the doctors office. They got me right in and told me to go and sit in Dr. Cox's office. I knew that was another sign that something was going on. They handed me a box of tissues and I waited for the doctor to come in. Dr. Cox came in and immediately told me what was going on. He said that our little boy had a chromosome abnormality and had several other birth defects. He has spina bifida and VSD ( Ventricular Septal Defect) and several other defects. He said our baby either has Trisomy 18 or Trisomy 21.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I knew that our news was bad but I didn't imagine it would be this bad. I asked the doctor what he thinks we should do next and we agreed that I needed to get an amniocenteses done to find our exactly what Lincoln has.
My appointment was set for Monday. We called and talked to our family members and let them know what was going on. It seemed that with everyone we told it got a little harder and harder. I was grateful to my friend Jamie who kept my kids for awhile that day so Monte and I could talk about things and just hold eachother and cry. It was hard to think that just a week before in our minds we had a healthy baby boy and now we are dealing with a special angel that might not make it to his first birthday. We know that we have a special angel with us and we must be amazing people to be trusted with one of God's angels. We know that he will help us through this and bless little Lincoln.
So that is where we are now. I got the amniocenteses done on Monday, i was terrified for the procedure just because I didn't know what to expect. It went really good and wasn't as bad as I thought. Monday night I started having some strong contractions and some cramping so we went to the hospital around 10:30 at night. It turned out that my uterus was just under stress from the amniocenteses and everything was okay with Lincoln.
Now we just wait two weeks to find out the results. Each day I shed a tear for little Lincoln. I pray that he is not in any pain and that he will continue to grow so he can be with us for a little while. Our girls don't know what is going on with Lincoln yet but they know that something is going on. They have given me and Lincoln extra hugs and kisses. It is fun seeing them talk to him and tell me things like mommy the baby really wants this...and they try to give me cereal or candy or anything they think Lincoln wants.
I have a hard time keeping my other blog up to date but I plan to use this as a little journal and write down my thoughts and stories as time goes on. I have read several other blogs about families going through this same trial. Their blogs have left me uplifted and have filled me with hope, hopefully I can do the same for all of you who are going through this with us. Right now, this blog is set to private so only I can read it. When I am ready and we are ready for the world to know our story I will open it up for everyone to read.
I love you Lincoln and am so glad I get to be your mommy, even if it's only for a short period. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have that families are eternal and that some day I will return to live with my heavenly father where my son will be waiting with his arms open to give me the hug that I will be longing for. I am so grateful for my two healthy and beautiful princesses who keep me going every day. It's amazing how something like this can change your attitude about life and how precious our children really are. I want Monte to know that I love him so much and I am glad that I have him by my side to help me along the way and to pick me up when I am down. I am blessed beyond means that he is worthy to hold the priesthood and to give me the healing power that our Heavenly Father has given us.
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