July 9, 2011

At 7 am when they checked me and I wasn't doing anything I asked if I could take a bath in their SUPER nice bathtubs!  These things are amazing and HUGE!!!  So I soaked for awhile and then got out and started putting makeup on and doing my hair. I started to feel sick and felt like my water was leaking a little bit so I laid down and had the nurse come and check me.  She broke my water right then  (8am) and said I was at a 4! WOW!! what?  I told her I wanted my epidural now!  About 15 minutes later I was in the worst pain I have ever felt in my life.  They gave me more morphine and that seemed to not do anything for me so I asked for something else and they gave me Nuvaine (which makes me silly and crazy) and that didn't do anything either.  Finally, the lady came in to give me my epidural which felt like a life time to get...I think she was taking her time.  After that was in I laid down and a few seconds later I pushed Lincoln out at 9:08 am.  So I pretty much did everything natural!  I was so drugged up afterwards that I held Lincoln for a second and then passed out for a few hours!  I remember hearing everyone talking and thinking...hey I am still here but I couldn't say anything and I couldn't move!  I was dead to the world! 

While I was out our family was able to come in and spend some time holding Lincoln. They took him to go get a bath and got lots and lots of good pictures.  After I came back from the dead they brought Linc in to me and I was able to cuddle with my baby boy. 

We had our little girls come in the night before and we explained to them that Lincoln had gone to Heaven with Great Grandpa Ward and Jesus.  I don't think they understood fully but they knew that we were sad and they cried with us.  On Saturday we brought them in to see there brother. I was a little worried about doing this as Lincoln was so little and I didn't want to traumatize them but I was SO glad that we did.  They were so wonderful and so loving toward him. They loved holding him, kissing him and looking at all of his fingers and toes.  It was hard for them to say goodbye to him!  They were so proud to show off there little brother to everyone in the room.  It was really such a miracle that they were so great and so understanding of everything.


The spirit was so amazing in our hospital room and we are truly so blessed to be able to go through this experience with Lincoln.   Don't get me wrong, I have spent many hours crying and missing my son. It is so hard to have him with you for so long and then suddenly have him gone. Usually after you give birth you have a baby to bring home and to feel your house with love and that void your belly feels.  I had a baby and had nothing to show for it except for the extra pounds I gained.  However, I have an angel baby that come and visits me often. I have felt his loving arms many times wrap around me and tell me mommy everything will be okay, I love you. 

I am so grateful for the knowledge that I have as being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints that our church offers us something that no other church can offer us. The chance to be together as a family forever. I am so grateful I have a worthy priesthood holder in my home that has taken me to the temple for time and for all eternity so that I can someday have the opportunity to hold Lincoln in my hands and to hear him cry and to see him grow up in a world that Satan will no longer live in.  To my family, I hope and pray that the spirit that you felt in my hospital room that day will linger in your hearts and that you can remember the feelings of the Holy Ghost and how happy your life can be if you invite the spirit back into your life and into your heart.  I know with our a doubt that this gospel is true and I love the Savior for allowing me to have this opportunity to know of his unconditional love for me and for my family.  I have been able to understand a little bit more of the gospel and what Mary might have felt as she watched her son hanging on the cross.  I have gained a greater appreciation for the savior atoning for our sins in the garden of Gethsemane so that I can one day live with my heavenly children and my earthly family once again.  How amazing the gospel is!  Thank you everyone who shared in our joy on that beautiful Saturday morning.  Thank you for crying with us and mourning the loss of Lincoln's physical body. 


So here are some facts about Lincoln.  He weighted 1 pound 8 oz and was 13 inches long. He had lots of dark hair,  the cutest little hands and toes (which we were able to get hand and foot casts done) and was just as perfect as you can get.  He has his daddy's nose and looked a lot like Monte (I think)!  I am only sharing a few photos with everyone and want to keep some of our memories to those that were there.  We had the greatest lady in the world helping us treasure the memory of Lincoln and we are so grateful to her and all of her help during this time. She took countless pictures was so tender and loving with Lincoln as she bathed him and clothed him.  We are really so lucky to have so many wonderful people around us!

This is our first family picture..which you can tell by my face that I am still really drugged here!

Here is his cute little face and nose! 

His tiny hands- a reminder of eternity

I love this one & it shows all of his hair!

See how little he is!

I will post details of his funeral and some pictures tomorrow!  Enjoy our pictures of our Angel

June 8th, 2011

I know everyone is waiting for an update and new pictures so I thought I would do this in order!  On June 8th I went in for a doctors appointment and ultrasound with Dr. Draper.  Monte and I felt that since we had just seen Lincoln 2 days before that it would be fine if he missed this appointment and we saved his vacation for when Lincoln came.  I felt good that morning and was super excited to see Lincoln and how much he had grown.  When I got to the appt I laid down on the table and the ultrasound tech got right in.  We started at his head and slowly made our way down his back. She said, there is his heart and it's not beating, I am sorry!  I knew though before she even said the words when I saw his little heart as still as can be that he had passed away and had returned home to our Heavenly Father.  The flood of tears began and emotions that I have never felt before surfaced.  I knew that Lincoln was so special and would not be with us on this earth for long but I had really hoped and prayed that I would have more time with him than 29 short weeks.  But Heavenly Father needed Linc's help and answered many prayers by taking him early. I had been so stressed out about what to do when it was time for Lincolns birth and what hospital to have him in and if we were going to do surgery or not...so many questions that had now been decided with Lincoln's passing.

 I waited in the dr's office for an hour and half for Monte to get home from work.  I prayed about what to do now and how on earth I was going to tell my sweet little princesses that loved their brother SO much.  We could go ahead and get induced that night or we could wait until my doctor was back in town and do it on Monday.  We had family pictures and pregnancy pictures scheduled for Tuesday night but we just couldn't imagine getting family pictures knowing that they wouldn't mean the same thing for us now. Once Monte got there we decided to go ahead and get induced right away.  I was totally not prepared for what was next!

I went to the hospital and a few hours later and I was finally getting induced. They had to use some pills to soften my cervix.  I had a hard time sleeping and soon learned that with a dose of Morphine I could sleep about 4 hours really good.  By 7 am the next morning I wasn't even dilated and the pills were not dissolving.

3D Ultrasound

We had a 3D ultrasound done yesterday on little Lincoln.  It was fun to see him and all of his little body parts!  We got some good pictures of his face!  We also met with Dr. Cox and everything looks good. I am only measureing 32 weeks so I haven't grown as much as I did last month.  I will now start meeting with him every 2 weeks. It's crazy to think that the clock is ticking down.  We meet with Dr. Draper on Friday and will have more information then!   Enjoy the pictures from Lincoln's ultrasound!

I LOVE this picture. It looks like he is smiling at us! 

 Lincolns right foot and his other one is crossed under.

This is a great picture of his clenched hand 

My precious Angel!

I love you so much Lincoln!  Thank you for showing us how cute you are.  I love everything about you!!!!!



Daddy's First Post

I haven't had the courage lately to post anything on your blog Linc...... Until now! I decided that I would take some time today just to tell you how much you mean to me and how much you have taught me already. 
 
I now understand with a greater appreciation the love of our Heavenly Father. He blesses us in so many ways, great and small, and has a perfect understanding of the trails we go through. I love you so much Lincoln and have never felt closer to any of my unborn children as I do you.       I love talking to you and trying to feel you kick and move. I pray every night that you will continue to gain strength and grow during this time that you are with us. I never realized how much I took something like that for granted until now. Im not sure what the future may have in store for you but I will continue to pray for your strength to be with you. Thanks for the early lessons you have taught me, I hope I will have a chance to teach you something in return someday. I love you!!!

Daddy

Family Fun!!!

Well Lincoln...you have been to a lot of new places this past week.  We went camping at Warm River and froze our butts off and got eaten by a bunch of mosquitoes.  We had a lot of fun though fishing and hanging out with family. Mommy's sister's and brothers were all together for the first time in 3 or 4 years. Grandma Karen came up and went camping with us on Sunday night!   Then the McKenna reunion began on Monday.  By Tuesday afternoon we were so tired of the mosquitoes that we left early and came home.  We unpacked and then began getting things ready for Lindsay's wedding.  It has been a busy couple of days.  Mommy made the wedding cake and was busy making oreo cookie balls and dipping pretzels in chocolate.  On Thursday morning we set up and got everything ready for the wedding.  It was a CrAzY day yesterday but we had a lot of fun and Lindsay and Francis had a beautiful wedding!  Today we have been relaxing and catching up on the house cleaning.  Daddy went to Monticello with Daniel and Gayleen to see little Alexandra get blessed.  Mommy already misses him but knows that he will have fun and so will she hanging out with all of her family.

We have two doctors appointments next week and mommy is looking forward to seeing you and seeing how BIG you have gotten.  We love you so much Lincoln....you are already so spoiled!  Mommy's aunt Corrine made you the cutest little blanket!  Mommy loves it and will probably start sleeping with it.  Grandma Karen also gave us a beautiful fuzzy blue blanket that has a little angel on it.  It's so fitting for you....you are our little Angel!