Lincoln,
I just wanted you to know I love you!
Love,
Mommy
Monday, November 14, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Gratitude
I haven't written on Linc's blog for awhile, mostly because I don't know what to say! The kids are in bed asleep and I have some free time to just think! Facebook has a wonderful site called Trisomy 18 mommies. I have gone there a lot and read stories and comforted other moms who are going through the same thing. It's amazing the support you can find in a complete stranger just because you share the common bond of a child that might not live. Mostly when I go the T18 mommies page I find myself crying, wondering why they got to be so lucky to still have their baby with them. One lady posted that her daughter was turning 24! It's amazing the number of T18 babies that are living and making their way through life. The moms on the site often share their stories of struggles and fights to keep their baby alive. Tonight when I got on to read the comments I had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. I am so thankful that my little boy didn't have to go through some of the things that T18 babies are going through right now. Some of the T18 babies are on ventilators and feeding tubes, lots of hospital visits and emergency rides. It's a never ending world of worry for those mom's. I am grateful that Lincoln is at peace in Heaven. I would love to have him back for just a moment of time and until I do I will have to just remember how peaceful he looks in all his pictures, no pain, no sadness...just joy!
It's crazy to think that it has been 3 months since his passing away. I still feel empty at times but I know that Lincoln is watching over us. Instead of changing diapers and washing clothes I look forward to changing out the decorations on his grave and washing his lights and toys. Lincoln has helped me to slow down and enjoy the simple things in life, he just needs to remind me every now and then!
I love you buddy and miss you the most!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
38 weeks and 1 day
Today I would have been 38 weeks and 1 day. Last night we went up to say goodbye to Lincoln before we left Bear Lake. We love going up to the cemetery to see Linc. The girls like to pull on his toy and make it vibrate. Someone put a cute yellow flower by his name plate which touched my heart thinking that others have been up to see him. The girls went with grandma on Saturday and put some flowers up there. It's cute to hear them talk about him and how much they miss him. Although there are times like last night where our hearts are just so full of love and we all can't stop crying. Monte thought it would be a good idea to sing 'Families can be together forever' and we couldn't even make it through the whole song before we were all crying. I am grateful for the knowledge that our family is eternal and one day I will be able to hold my son again. I miss him so much and some days the pain is hard to bear. I am hoping that it does get easier!
I have been thinking today about how far along I would have been today and the thought that I had before 20 weeks of bringing home a perfect baby. I have thought about the changing diapers, waking up in the middle of the night and all the other fun stuff that happens when you bring home a new baby. The 'what if's' have began to fill my mind. What would we be doing now if Lincoln didn't have Trisomy 18 and passed away 8 weeks ago? Would I be putting up some cute blue baby bedding into his crib instead of taking down the crib and putting it in the basement? I still don't understand why Lincoln had to be the one that was so special that he didn't have to stay on Earth. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that he doesn't have to go through this life and he is protected from the evils around. I just miss my baby and miss the chance to get to be his mom on Earth.
I have been thinking today about how far along I would have been today and the thought that I had before 20 weeks of bringing home a perfect baby. I have thought about the changing diapers, waking up in the middle of the night and all the other fun stuff that happens when you bring home a new baby. The 'what if's' have began to fill my mind. What would we be doing now if Lincoln didn't have Trisomy 18 and passed away 8 weeks ago? Would I be putting up some cute blue baby bedding into his crib instead of taking down the crib and putting it in the basement? I still don't understand why Lincoln had to be the one that was so special that he didn't have to stay on Earth. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that he doesn't have to go through this life and he is protected from the evils around. I just miss my baby and miss the chance to get to be his mom on Earth.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Balloons for Lincoln!
After the funeral we wanted to do something that everyone would really remember, especially the little kids. But we also wanted something for the girls to do every year for Lincoln....I got this idea while I was pregnant with Linc. The girls got some balloons from the store and one of them let the balloon go, they were both crying because the balloon was gone so to comfort them I told them it was okay that Lincoln would catch the balloon for them. So after that any time they would lose a balloon in the sky they would say 'it's okay mommy Lincoln has it!'
We had everyone in the family write a message to Lincoln on a balloon and then we let them all go at the same time. It was liberating to not only write down things that I wanted Linc to know but also to know that he would get them all! We got a book and had everyone write down what they wrote on Linc's balloon. Every year on his birthday we will go and write Linc a new message and send it up to heaven for him and then write it in his book. This way we will always remember!
Thanks everyone who participated and was there. It was so fun watching the balloons disappear into the sky!
We had everyone in the family write a message to Lincoln on a balloon and then we let them all go at the same time. It was liberating to not only write down things that I wanted Linc to know but also to know that he would get them all! We got a book and had everyone write down what they wrote on Linc's balloon. Every year on his birthday we will go and write Linc a new message and send it up to heaven for him and then write it in his book. This way we will always remember!
Thanks everyone who participated and was there. It was so fun watching the balloons disappear into the sky!
The girls decorating their balloon!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Lincoln's Funeral
I was so worried about Lincoln's funeral and how everything would go. I am so grateful to everyone who helped make this day so special for us. It was truly amazing and I know that Lincoln was there watching the whole thing!
We got to dig Lincoln's grave. It was a fun experience for all of us to do!
I love this picture of Jay in the hole!
Working together as a family!
Lincoln in his bed! The girls each picked a little toy to put in his casket. Jayda choose a monkey and Maggie picked a turtle. Both fits there personalities so well! My mom gave us this blanket that Lincoln was buried in. It was so soft and I know he is enjoying it.
Priceless! Daddy carrying his son
Jayda and Daddy
After the funeral we had a luncheon at the church, thanks to the Bloomington Relief Society for putting the luncheon together. I have a bunch more pictures and some other fun things to post but Monte will be home soon and I have to put my house back together!
Monday, July 25, 2011
July 9, 2011
At 7 am when they checked me and I wasn't doing anything I asked if I could take a bath in their SUPER nice bathtubs! These things are amazing and HUGE!!! So I soaked for awhile and then got out and started putting makeup on and doing my hair. I started to feel sick and felt like my water was leaking a little bit so I laid down and had the nurse come and check me. She broke my water right then (8am) and said I was at a 4! WOW!! what? I told her I wanted my epidural now! About 15 minutes later I was in the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. They gave me more morphine and that seemed to not do anything for me so I asked for something else and they gave me Nuvaine (which makes me silly and crazy) and that didn't do anything either. Finally, the lady came in to give me my epidural which felt like a life time to get...I think she was taking her time. After that was in I laid down and a few seconds later I pushed Lincoln out at 9:08 am. So I pretty much did everything natural! I was so drugged up afterwards that I held Lincoln for a second and then passed out for a few hours! I remember hearing everyone talking and thinking...hey I am still here but I couldn't say anything and I couldn't move! I was dead to the world!
While I was out our family was able to come in and spend some time holding Lincoln. They took him to go get a bath and got lots and lots of good pictures. After I came back from the dead they brought Linc in to me and I was able to cuddle with my baby boy.
We had our little girls come in the night before and we explained to them that Lincoln had gone to Heaven with Great Grandpa Ward and Jesus. I don't think they understood fully but they knew that we were sad and they cried with us. On Saturday we brought them in to see there brother. I was a little worried about doing this as Lincoln was so little and I didn't want to traumatize them but I was SO glad that we did. They were so wonderful and so loving toward him. They loved holding him, kissing him and looking at all of his fingers and toes. It was hard for them to say goodbye to him! They were so proud to show off there little brother to everyone in the room. It was really such a miracle that they were so great and so understanding of everything.
The spirit was so amazing in our hospital room and we are truly so blessed to be able to go through this experience with Lincoln. Don't get me wrong, I have spent many hours crying and missing my son. It is so hard to have him with you for so long and then suddenly have him gone. Usually after you give birth you have a baby to bring home and to feel your house with love and that void your belly feels. I had a baby and had nothing to show for it except for the extra pounds I gained. However, I have an angel baby that come and visits me often. I have felt his loving arms many times wrap around me and tell me mommy everything will be okay, I love you.
I am so grateful for the knowledge that I have as being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints that our church offers us something that no other church can offer us. The chance to be together as a family forever. I am so grateful I have a worthy priesthood holder in my home that has taken me to the temple for time and for all eternity so that I can someday have the opportunity to hold Lincoln in my hands and to hear him cry and to see him grow up in a world that Satan will no longer live in. To my family, I hope and pray that the spirit that you felt in my hospital room that day will linger in your hearts and that you can remember the feelings of the Holy Ghost and how happy your life can be if you invite the spirit back into your life and into your heart. I know with our a doubt that this gospel is true and I love the Savior for allowing me to have this opportunity to know of his unconditional love for me and for my family. I have been able to understand a little bit more of the gospel and what Mary might have felt as she watched her son hanging on the cross. I have gained a greater appreciation for the savior atoning for our sins in the garden of Gethsemane so that I can one day live with my heavenly children and my earthly family once again. How amazing the gospel is! Thank you everyone who shared in our joy on that beautiful Saturday morning. Thank you for crying with us and mourning the loss of Lincoln's physical body.
So here are some facts about Lincoln. He weighted 1 pound 8 oz and was 13 inches long. He had lots of dark hair, the cutest little hands and toes (which we were able to get hand and foot casts done) and was just as perfect as you can get. He has his daddy's nose and looked a lot like Monte (I think)! I am only sharing a few photos with everyone and want to keep some of our memories to those that were there. We had the greatest lady in the world helping us treasure the memory of Lincoln and we are so grateful to her and all of her help during this time. She took countless pictures was so tender and loving with Lincoln as she bathed him and clothed him. We are really so lucky to have so many wonderful people around us!
While I was out our family was able to come in and spend some time holding Lincoln. They took him to go get a bath and got lots and lots of good pictures. After I came back from the dead they brought Linc in to me and I was able to cuddle with my baby boy.
We had our little girls come in the night before and we explained to them that Lincoln had gone to Heaven with Great Grandpa Ward and Jesus. I don't think they understood fully but they knew that we were sad and they cried with us. On Saturday we brought them in to see there brother. I was a little worried about doing this as Lincoln was so little and I didn't want to traumatize them but I was SO glad that we did. They were so wonderful and so loving toward him. They loved holding him, kissing him and looking at all of his fingers and toes. It was hard for them to say goodbye to him! They were so proud to show off there little brother to everyone in the room. It was really such a miracle that they were so great and so understanding of everything.
The spirit was so amazing in our hospital room and we are truly so blessed to be able to go through this experience with Lincoln. Don't get me wrong, I have spent many hours crying and missing my son. It is so hard to have him with you for so long and then suddenly have him gone. Usually after you give birth you have a baby to bring home and to feel your house with love and that void your belly feels. I had a baby and had nothing to show for it except for the extra pounds I gained. However, I have an angel baby that come and visits me often. I have felt his loving arms many times wrap around me and tell me mommy everything will be okay, I love you.
I am so grateful for the knowledge that I have as being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints that our church offers us something that no other church can offer us. The chance to be together as a family forever. I am so grateful I have a worthy priesthood holder in my home that has taken me to the temple for time and for all eternity so that I can someday have the opportunity to hold Lincoln in my hands and to hear him cry and to see him grow up in a world that Satan will no longer live in. To my family, I hope and pray that the spirit that you felt in my hospital room that day will linger in your hearts and that you can remember the feelings of the Holy Ghost and how happy your life can be if you invite the spirit back into your life and into your heart. I know with our a doubt that this gospel is true and I love the Savior for allowing me to have this opportunity to know of his unconditional love for me and for my family. I have been able to understand a little bit more of the gospel and what Mary might have felt as she watched her son hanging on the cross. I have gained a greater appreciation for the savior atoning for our sins in the garden of Gethsemane so that I can one day live with my heavenly children and my earthly family once again. How amazing the gospel is! Thank you everyone who shared in our joy on that beautiful Saturday morning. Thank you for crying with us and mourning the loss of Lincoln's physical body.
So here are some facts about Lincoln. He weighted 1 pound 8 oz and was 13 inches long. He had lots of dark hair, the cutest little hands and toes (which we were able to get hand and foot casts done) and was just as perfect as you can get. He has his daddy's nose and looked a lot like Monte (I think)! I am only sharing a few photos with everyone and want to keep some of our memories to those that were there. We had the greatest lady in the world helping us treasure the memory of Lincoln and we are so grateful to her and all of her help during this time. She took countless pictures was so tender and loving with Lincoln as she bathed him and clothed him. We are really so lucky to have so many wonderful people around us!
This is our first family picture..which you can tell by my face that I am still really drugged here!
Here is his cute little face and nose!
His tiny hands- a reminder of eternity
I love this one & it shows all of his hair!
See how little he is!
I will post details of his funeral and some pictures tomorrow! Enjoy our pictures of our Angel
June 8th, 2011
I know everyone is waiting for an update and new pictures so I thought I would do this in order! On June 8th I went in for a doctors appointment and ultrasound with Dr. Draper. Monte and I felt that since we had just seen Lincoln 2 days before that it would be fine if he missed this appointment and we saved his vacation for when Lincoln came. I felt good that morning and was super excited to see Lincoln and how much he had grown. When I got to the appt I laid down on the table and the ultrasound tech got right in. We started at his head and slowly made our way down his back. She said, there is his heart and it's not beating, I am sorry! I knew though before she even said the words when I saw his little heart as still as can be that he had passed away and had returned home to our Heavenly Father. The flood of tears began and emotions that I have never felt before surfaced. I knew that Lincoln was so special and would not be with us on this earth for long but I had really hoped and prayed that I would have more time with him than 29 short weeks. But Heavenly Father needed Linc's help and answered many prayers by taking him early. I had been so stressed out about what to do when it was time for Lincolns birth and what hospital to have him in and if we were going to do surgery or not...so many questions that had now been decided with Lincoln's passing.
I waited in the dr's office for an hour and half for Monte to get home from work. I prayed about what to do now and how on earth I was going to tell my sweet little princesses that loved their brother SO much. We could go ahead and get induced that night or we could wait until my doctor was back in town and do it on Monday. We had family pictures and pregnancy pictures scheduled for Tuesday night but we just couldn't imagine getting family pictures knowing that they wouldn't mean the same thing for us now. Once Monte got there we decided to go ahead and get induced right away. I was totally not prepared for what was next!
I went to the hospital and a few hours later and I was finally getting induced. They had to use some pills to soften my cervix. I had a hard time sleeping and soon learned that with a dose of Morphine I could sleep about 4 hours really good. By 7 am the next morning I wasn't even dilated and the pills were not dissolving.
I waited in the dr's office for an hour and half for Monte to get home from work. I prayed about what to do now and how on earth I was going to tell my sweet little princesses that loved their brother SO much. We could go ahead and get induced that night or we could wait until my doctor was back in town and do it on Monday. We had family pictures and pregnancy pictures scheduled for Tuesday night but we just couldn't imagine getting family pictures knowing that they wouldn't mean the same thing for us now. Once Monte got there we decided to go ahead and get induced right away. I was totally not prepared for what was next!
I went to the hospital and a few hours later and I was finally getting induced. They had to use some pills to soften my cervix. I had a hard time sleeping and soon learned that with a dose of Morphine I could sleep about 4 hours really good. By 7 am the next morning I wasn't even dilated and the pills were not dissolving.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
3D Ultrasound
We had a 3D ultrasound done yesterday on little Lincoln. It was fun to see him and all of his little body parts! We got some good pictures of his face! We also met with Dr. Cox and everything looks good. I am only measureing 32 weeks so I haven't grown as much as I did last month. I will now start meeting with him every 2 weeks. It's crazy to think that the clock is ticking down. We meet with Dr. Draper on Friday and will have more information then! Enjoy the pictures from Lincoln's ultrasound!
I LOVE this picture. It looks like he is smiling at us!
Lincolns right foot and his other one is crossed under.
This is a great picture of his clenched hand
My precious Angel!
I love you so much Lincoln! Thank you for showing us how cute you are. I love everything about you!!!!!
Friday, July 1, 2011
Daddy's First Post
I haven't had the courage lately to post anything on your blog Linc...... Until now! I decided that I would take some time today just to tell you how much you mean to me and how much you have taught me already.
I now understand with a greater appreciation the love of our Heavenly Father. He blesses us in so many ways, great and small, and has a perfect understanding of the trails we go through. I love you so much Lincoln and have never felt closer to any of my unborn children as I do you. I love talking to you and trying to feel you kick and move. I pray every night that you will continue to gain strength and grow during this time that you are with us. I never realized how much I took something like that for granted until now. Im not sure what the future may have in store for you but I will continue to pray for your strength to be with you. Thanks for the early lessons you have taught me, I hope I will have a chance to teach you something in return someday. I love you!!!
Daddy
I now understand with a greater appreciation the love of our Heavenly Father. He blesses us in so many ways, great and small, and has a perfect understanding of the trails we go through. I love you so much Lincoln and have never felt closer to any of my unborn children as I do you. I love talking to you and trying to feel you kick and move. I pray every night that you will continue to gain strength and grow during this time that you are with us. I never realized how much I took something like that for granted until now. Im not sure what the future may have in store for you but I will continue to pray for your strength to be with you. Thanks for the early lessons you have taught me, I hope I will have a chance to teach you something in return someday. I love you!!!
Daddy
Family Fun!!!
Well Lincoln...you have been to a lot of new places this past week. We went camping at Warm River and froze our butts off and got eaten by a bunch of mosquitoes. We had a lot of fun though fishing and hanging out with family. Mommy's sister's and brothers were all together for the first time in 3 or 4 years. Grandma Karen came up and went camping with us on Sunday night! Then the McKenna reunion began on Monday. By Tuesday afternoon we were so tired of the mosquitoes that we left early and came home. We unpacked and then began getting things ready for Lindsay's wedding. It has been a busy couple of days. Mommy made the wedding cake and was busy making oreo cookie balls and dipping pretzels in chocolate. On Thursday morning we set up and got everything ready for the wedding. It was a CrAzY day yesterday but we had a lot of fun and Lindsay and Francis had a beautiful wedding! Today we have been relaxing and catching up on the house cleaning. Daddy went to Monticello with Daniel and Gayleen to see little Alexandra get blessed. Mommy already misses him but knows that he will have fun and so will she hanging out with all of her family.
We have two doctors appointments next week and mommy is looking forward to seeing you and seeing how BIG you have gotten. We love you so much Lincoln....you are already so spoiled! Mommy's aunt Corrine made you the cutest little blanket! Mommy loves it and will probably start sleeping with it. Grandma Karen also gave us a beautiful fuzzy blue blanket that has a little angel on it. It's so fitting for you....you are our little Angel!
We have two doctors appointments next week and mommy is looking forward to seeing you and seeing how BIG you have gotten. We love you so much Lincoln....you are already so spoiled! Mommy's aunt Corrine made you the cutest little blanket! Mommy loves it and will probably start sleeping with it. Grandma Karen also gave us a beautiful fuzzy blue blanket that has a little angel on it. It's so fitting for you....you are our little Angel!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
My Birthday Wish
Happy happy birthday mommy dear! Yep, yesterday was my birthday and it was filled with so much love! I reflected a lot on Lincoln and what I wanted my birthday wish to be....I know the saying that if you say your wish it won't come true but I am hoping that the more I say it the more chances I have that it will come true. So my birthday wish is to be able to hear Lincoln cry and to hold him tight for as long as possible!
Yesterday we had everyone over for rootbeer floats and I opened presents. Gayleen and Daniel got me a beautiful picture frame that has a mother and a little boy on it. It has this quote on it "the love of a mother comes nearer to being like the love of God than any other kind of love." Joseph F. Smith I love that quote and find it very true. It's amazing how much you can love someone and how much that love can grow! They also got me a willow tree that is of a little boy and he is holding up a balloon that says 'HOPE' it will always remind me of Lincoln and to have Hope! On the box it says,"hope lifts us up!" and it's so true...it really does lift us up when we are down.
Thanks Daniel and Gayleen for the beautiful present. I felt bad when they gave it to me I just said thanks and moved on. I didn't really want to think about it and the meaning behind it at the time because I didn't want to start crying like a baby!
Other than getting older things are going good here. I don't go to the doctors for a few more weeks which feels really weird. My belly is getting SO BIG!!!! I HOPE that means that Lincoln has grown a lot. I think I am going to have Monte take a picture of me and my prego belly and put it on here so we can always remember my big belly! I hardly have any prego pictures of the girls because I refused and now I think it will be fun to have them. I am getting some professional belly pictures in July and am excited about that! WEIRD!!!!
Yesterday we had everyone over for rootbeer floats and I opened presents. Gayleen and Daniel got me a beautiful picture frame that has a mother and a little boy on it. It has this quote on it "the love of a mother comes nearer to being like the love of God than any other kind of love." Joseph F. Smith I love that quote and find it very true. It's amazing how much you can love someone and how much that love can grow! They also got me a willow tree that is of a little boy and he is holding up a balloon that says 'HOPE' it will always remind me of Lincoln and to have Hope! On the box it says,"hope lifts us up!" and it's so true...it really does lift us up when we are down.
Thanks Daniel and Gayleen for the beautiful present. I felt bad when they gave it to me I just said thanks and moved on. I didn't really want to think about it and the meaning behind it at the time because I didn't want to start crying like a baby!
Other than getting older things are going good here. I don't go to the doctors for a few more weeks which feels really weird. My belly is getting SO BIG!!!! I HOPE that means that Lincoln has grown a lot. I think I am going to have Monte take a picture of me and my prego belly and put it on here so we can always remember my big belly! I hardly have any prego pictures of the girls because I refused and now I think it will be fun to have them. I am getting some professional belly pictures in July and am excited about that! WEIRD!!!!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
I miss you!
Today, I was driving around running errands and when I finally stoped to breath for a minute I thought, I miss you Lincoln. Is it crazy to feel him inside of me, kicking and moving and still miss him? The last couple days have been pretty good, I felt like my emotions were in check and I was 'dealing' with things a little better. Some days Lincoln doesn't move around much and I freak myself out and then there are other days were he kicks me like crazy! I LOVE IT!!! I always tell the girls that Lincon's kicking mommy...they laugh and say no no Lincoln, you don't kick mommy! I tell them it's okay and that mommy loves it when Lincoln kicks me. The girls have been so much fun lately with Lincoln. Maggs loves to sit on my lap and pull my shirt up and just pat my belly or give him kisses. She says she is burping him and that he needs it. This morning Maggs said, Mommy Lincoln wants a gold fish and shoves one into my mouth...um yummy! Mommy did Lincoln like that? I tell her how much Lincoln liked the gold fish and that he said thank you...So Jayda has to feed me her banana oatmeal (which is not the greatest stuff in the world) because Lincoln wanted some of that too! It's a good thing they are watching out for Lincoln and what he needs! They are such great big sisters and it breaks my heart to think of how they will react once Lincoln gets here.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Not Lincoln Related
Some of you are having a hard time posting comments on here...I don't know why the blog is being difficult. When I go to post a comment I get this:
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Friday, June 10, 2011
Every day
I keep thinking that as each day goes on it will get easier and easier. Dealing with the pain, dealing with the fact that we might not get to bring Lincoln home, thinking I might not ever get to rock him in a chair and read him a story but I think each day gets harder and harder. So yesterday while I was watching tv I had this thought hit me so I turned off the tv and said Lincoln lets read a book! I sat in the rocking chair and cradled my belly as much as I could and read him Mary had a little lamb and Are you my Mother? I don't think he could understand the story because I was crying like crazy! I never thought how much I take for granted the little things I get to do with my girls. I get to tuck them into bed every night and read them the scriptures and teach them how to say a prayer.
I was just reading a story about a family who lost their baby at 35 weeks, they donate their time and materials and make caskets to families in need. They had a video that was done from NILMDTS and at the end it had this quote..and I LOVE IT!!!! "God, I could not hold him in my arms and tell him about you, please hold him in your arms and tell him about me"
I was just reading a story about a family who lost their baby at 35 weeks, they donate their time and materials and make caskets to families in need. They had a video that was done from NILMDTS and at the end it had this quote..and I LOVE IT!!!! "God, I could not hold him in my arms and tell him about you, please hold him in your arms and tell him about me"
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Another Dr's Appointment
Yesterday I had another dr's appointment with Dr. Cox. I now hate going and sitting for long periods of time in his office, it brought back a flood of memories of waiting to hear about Lincoln and then leaving his office crying. I am sure I will have to get over this very fast because if any of you have ever gone to see Dr. Cox know that it takes FOREVER! That is what you get when you want a great doctor!
So on to my check up. I got to listen to Lincoln's heart beat which was at 144! I am always excited when I get to hear that little heart beat. The doctor measured me and I was measuring at 30 weeks! I am currently only 24 weeks along and Lincoln is measuring at 21 weeks...so WHY SO BIG? Right now we are blaming it on extra amniotic fluid. It is one of those great symptoms of Trisomy 18 to have excess amniotic fluid. So we will have to just watch and see where I am at in 4 weeks and keep an eye on things.
On a positive note I made an appointment to do a 3D ultrasound in July and I also get to do my glucose test them..yeah for that! I am excited for the 3D ultrasound and to actually see Lincoln's little face (if he cooperates!). We are trying to gather as many memories and pictures as possible so here is a question for you all.
Do you have any ideas on things we can do to create more memories of Lincoln? Here is what we have so far:
-We want to do a hand and foot cast when he is born!
-Get professional pregnancy picture (which I have never done because I don't like my prego body!)
-3D Ultrasound
- We will have a photographer come and take pictures after Lincoln is born from NILMDTS.
-plus we have an ultrasound every 6 weeks so we can get pictures from that and also have it recorded.
So on to my check up. I got to listen to Lincoln's heart beat which was at 144! I am always excited when I get to hear that little heart beat. The doctor measured me and I was measuring at 30 weeks! I am currently only 24 weeks along and Lincoln is measuring at 21 weeks...so WHY SO BIG? Right now we are blaming it on extra amniotic fluid. It is one of those great symptoms of Trisomy 18 to have excess amniotic fluid. So we will have to just watch and see where I am at in 4 weeks and keep an eye on things.
On a positive note I made an appointment to do a 3D ultrasound in July and I also get to do my glucose test them..yeah for that! I am excited for the 3D ultrasound and to actually see Lincoln's little face (if he cooperates!). We are trying to gather as many memories and pictures as possible so here is a question for you all.
Do you have any ideas on things we can do to create more memories of Lincoln? Here is what we have so far:
-We want to do a hand and foot cast when he is born!
-Get professional pregnancy picture (which I have never done because I don't like my prego body!)
-3D Ultrasound
- We will have a photographer come and take pictures after Lincoln is born from NILMDTS.
-plus we have an ultrasound every 6 weeks so we can get pictures from that and also have it recorded.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Memorial Weekend
This weekend Monte and I had some much needed fun! It was Jay's birthday so all the family came to our house and we had a bbq and went rollerskating. Lincoln can now say that he has been rollerskating! Saturday night we followed Jay and Paula home and spent the rest of Memorial weekend with them. On Sunday we had some good lessons on miracles and were reminded that miracles do happen. We played games that night with Jayson and Carrie, mom and dad. On Monday we woke up and went down to city hall and ate breakfast. After that we went up to the Cemetery in Bloomington to see Grandpa Ward, Carter (Nate & Jessica's son) and Brandon (Monte's cousin). It was freezing cold and the girls did not want to stay very long. We were able to pick out a burial spot for Lincoln, it was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. He kicked my belly as we were at the Cemetery and I knew that know matter where he is laid to rest that he will always be with us. When we got back to mom and dad Ward's we got out some binoculars to see if we could see Lincolns spot from the house and we are pretty sure that you will be able to see a light from there. Mom and Dad Ward will always be able to keep an eye on him! The rest of the day was spent relaxing and watching Paula and Maggie make bread. She was grandma's little shadow all day and wanted to help grandma do everything. She helped her make a fire and then helped her grind the wheat to flour or flowers as Maggie would say! Paula was really patient with her and let her help with everything. Maggs came home with her own little loaf of bread that she doesn't want to eat yet. I got lots of good pictures and came away remembering that it's the small and simple things that matter the most!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Come what may and love it!
I was reading some blogs today, which I should really stop doing it just makes me cry and remember the reality of everything. I came across this video and love it. I need to remember to laugh, seek for the eternal, understand the principle of compensation and trust in the Lord.
I keep thinking that each day will get a little easier because I know what is to come but the reality of it is that everyday is a little hard but I need to LOVE it! I may only have 9 months to spend with Lincoln but I will love every minute I get to spend with him. I love being pregnant with him and love him more than words can express.
Quote for the day
Faith in something greater than ourselves, enables us to do what
we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to
keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely
uncertain.”~ GORDON B. HINCKLEY
Dr. Draper
Yesterday Monte and I went and met with the specialist doctor from U of U, Dr. Draper. He is so kind and helped us understand more. We spent a little over an hour just looking at Lincoln. It was so nice to be able to look at his body and to see all of his unique features. I saw his little club foot and his clenched hands and it made me remember how special he really is. I LOVE his little hands! They are so cute how his fingers fold over the others...we got some good pic's! His spina bifida is bigger than what I had expected. Looking at it on the screen compared to other parts of his body made me a little worried. It is all enclosed which is good and will help so he doesn't get an infection after birth. Lincoln was a little stinker and made us fight to see his face. He has the cutest little nose, it reminds me a lot of Maggies. Okay...I think everything is absolutely adorable on him!
I have always had a feeling that there is a really good chance that Lincoln won't make it to birth but after yesterday I am praying so hard that I can delivery him and just hear him cry one time! I want that memory! It is so crazy to see him moving around my belly like a normal healthy baby would and to know that as soon as he comes out that everything changes.
Mommy loves you so much Lincoln, I pray that you will continue to grow strong and that you will always know how much you are loved, and loved by so many!
(So our scanner doesn't copy pictures onto the computer so I am going to have to figure out a way to get his ultrasound pic's on here. They are so cute!)
I have always had a feeling that there is a really good chance that Lincoln won't make it to birth but after yesterday I am praying so hard that I can delivery him and just hear him cry one time! I want that memory! It is so crazy to see him moving around my belly like a normal healthy baby would and to know that as soon as he comes out that everything changes.
Mommy loves you so much Lincoln, I pray that you will continue to grow strong and that you will always know how much you are loved, and loved by so many!
(So our scanner doesn't copy pictures onto the computer so I am going to have to figure out a way to get his ultrasound pic's on here. They are so cute!)
Friday, May 20, 2011
Invite Only
Today I invited a bunch of people to view our blog about Lincoln. I am sure that there are other family members that I can invite and just don't have their email address to do so. If you can think of anyone that I might not have added or want to know if I did add them than just ask!
I hope you all can feel a sense of peace as you read about Lincoln and also get more of an understanding about Trisomy 18.
Please, please leave comments! We plan on turing this into a book so we can have as many memories we can about Lincoln.
I hope you all can feel a sense of peace as you read about Lincoln and also get more of an understanding about Trisomy 18.
Please, please leave comments! We plan on turing this into a book so we can have as many memories we can about Lincoln.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
The big day!
Yesterday Monte and I went in to meet with Dr. Cox. We got the test results back that Lincoln has Trisomy 18. We asked the doctor a million questions about what to do now and where we should be headed. Monte and I came out of our meeting feeling pretty good.
Here is what Trisomy 18 is:
Trisomy 18, also known as Edwards syndrome, is a condition which is caused by a chromosomal defect. It occurs in about 1 out of every 3000 live births. The numbers increase significantly when early pregnancy losses are factored in that occur in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters of pregnancy.
Unlike Down syndrome, which also is caused by a chromosomal defect, the developmental issues caused by Trisomy 18 are associated with medical complications that are more potentially life-threatening in the early months and years of life. 50% of babies who are carried to term will be stillborn, with baby boys having higher stillbirth rate than baby girls.
What causes Trisomy 18?
At conception, 23 chromosomes from the father and 23 chromosomes from the mother combine to create a baby with a set of 46 chromosomes in each cell. A trisomy occurs when a baby has three #18 chromosomes instead of the normal two. This is something that happens at conception. And although many parents worry about this, it is important to know that parents have done nothing before or during pregnancy to cause this disorder in their child.
What are the characteristics of Trisomy 18?The genetic material from the extra eighteenth chromosome can cause a variety of problems with varying severity. Just as children with Down syndrome can range from mildly to severely affected, the same is true for children with Trisomy 18. This means that there is no hard and fast rule about what Trisomy 18 will mean for your child. However, statistics show that there is a high mortality rate for children with Trisomy 18 before or shortly after birth.
Typical characteristics of Trisomy 18 include:
Hopefully the above will help you understand Trisomy 18 a little better. I encourage those that are reading this to do a little research yourself. There are lots of support groups out there for parents and families of Trisomy babies.
Monte and I feel very blessed to have Lincoln in our lives. We don't really know what to do next, we know we have to plan for his arrival at any time and we also need to plan a funeral neither of which will be an easy task.
Here is what Trisomy 18 is:
Trisomy 18, also known as Edwards syndrome, is a condition which is caused by a chromosomal defect. It occurs in about 1 out of every 3000 live births. The numbers increase significantly when early pregnancy losses are factored in that occur in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters of pregnancy.
Unlike Down syndrome, which also is caused by a chromosomal defect, the developmental issues caused by Trisomy 18 are associated with medical complications that are more potentially life-threatening in the early months and years of life. 50% of babies who are carried to term will be stillborn, with baby boys having higher stillbirth rate than baby girls.
What causes Trisomy 18?
At conception, 23 chromosomes from the father and 23 chromosomes from the mother combine to create a baby with a set of 46 chromosomes in each cell. A trisomy occurs when a baby has three #18 chromosomes instead of the normal two. This is something that happens at conception. And although many parents worry about this, it is important to know that parents have done nothing before or during pregnancy to cause this disorder in their child.
What are the characteristics of Trisomy 18?The genetic material from the extra eighteenth chromosome can cause a variety of problems with varying severity. Just as children with Down syndrome can range from mildly to severely affected, the same is true for children with Trisomy 18. This means that there is no hard and fast rule about what Trisomy 18 will mean for your child. However, statistics show that there is a high mortality rate for children with Trisomy 18 before or shortly after birth.
Typical characteristics of Trisomy 18 include:
- Heart defects:
- VSD (Ventricular Septal Defect): a hole between the lower chambers
- ASD (Atrial Septal Defect): a hole between the upper chambers
- Coarctation of the aorta: a narrowing of the exit vessel from the heart
- Kidney problems
- Part of the intestinal tract is outside the stomach (omphalocele)
- The esophagus doesn’t connect to the stomach (esophageal artesia)
- Excess amniotic fluid (polyhydramnios)
- Clenched hands
- Pocket of fluid on the brain (choroid plexus cysts)
- Rocker bottom feet
- Delayed growth
- Small jaw (mycrognathia)
- Small head (microcephaly)
- Low-set ears
- Strawberry-shaped head
- Severe developmental delays
- Umbilical or inguinal hernia
Hopefully the above will help you understand Trisomy 18 a little better. I encourage those that are reading this to do a little research yourself. There are lots of support groups out there for parents and families of Trisomy babies.
Monte and I feel very blessed to have Lincoln in our lives. We don't really know what to do next, we know we have to plan for his arrival at any time and we also need to plan a funeral neither of which will be an easy task.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Temple Blessings
Monte and I got a babysitter for the girls and headed to the temple on Friday night. I was a mess before I even went into the session knowing that I was pondering little Lincoln and the trials ahead of us. I loved sitting there and listening and feeling Lincoln move around. I was reminded of some things...
First, before we come to earth we chose to follow Heavenly Father instead of Satan. There was a huge war in Heaven and angels personally lead Satan out of heaven.
Second, we chose the family that we wanted to come to earth with.
Third, we knew that life would be hard and we knew the trials that we would be faced with before coming to earth but we knew that we needed a body to be able to return to our Heavenly Father again and we were willing to come at this time and face our current challenges.
Fourth, Satan works hard on some many people because he doesn't want us to be able to return to live with our Heavenly Father again.
So my conclusion out of our temple session. Lincoln has a very strong spirit, which was felt in the temple by both Monte and I. Who knows if he is one of the Angels that escorted Satan out of heaven or who fought on the battle lines for God, he is someone special that God does not want Satan to be able to tempt or hurt. Lincoln knows that because of his strong spirit and his love for God that he will be faced with many abnormalities here upon the earth. Lincoln is fine with it and wants to gain a body so he can someday return to live with our Father in Heaven.
Lincoln has chosen Monte as his earthly father because of his faithfulness and willingness to serve the Lord. Monte has much faith and could move a mountain if needed. This faith will be needed to administer the priesthood to our family and bless Lincoln.
Lincoln has chosen me to be his earthly mother because of the love that a mother feels for her children. I will nurture, love, fight and pray for him until my knees are weak and I can no longer stand.
Lincoln has chosen Jayda to be his elder sister because of her unique ability to always comfort those around her. Lincoln knows that his mommy will need lots of special love from his big sister. Jayda loves Lincoln so much and will always help him.
Lincoln has chosen Maggie to be his big sister because of her unconditional love. She is always there to hug and kiss my belly and make Lincoln feel like a million bucks. She will sing him songs and talk to him. I think he has a special bond with her because he always starts to kick when she is around or talking to him.
We chose Lincoln because he is one of God's Angels. He has already taught me that the little things in life don't matter. He has taught me to love more than I thought my heart was capable of. He has taught me patience. He has reminded me that families are Eternal and that one day we will all be together in Heaven.
First, before we come to earth we chose to follow Heavenly Father instead of Satan. There was a huge war in Heaven and angels personally lead Satan out of heaven.
Second, we chose the family that we wanted to come to earth with.
Third, we knew that life would be hard and we knew the trials that we would be faced with before coming to earth but we knew that we needed a body to be able to return to our Heavenly Father again and we were willing to come at this time and face our current challenges.
Fourth, Satan works hard on some many people because he doesn't want us to be able to return to live with our Heavenly Father again.
So my conclusion out of our temple session. Lincoln has a very strong spirit, which was felt in the temple by both Monte and I. Who knows if he is one of the Angels that escorted Satan out of heaven or who fought on the battle lines for God, he is someone special that God does not want Satan to be able to tempt or hurt. Lincoln knows that because of his strong spirit and his love for God that he will be faced with many abnormalities here upon the earth. Lincoln is fine with it and wants to gain a body so he can someday return to live with our Father in Heaven.
Lincoln has chosen Monte as his earthly father because of his faithfulness and willingness to serve the Lord. Monte has much faith and could move a mountain if needed. This faith will be needed to administer the priesthood to our family and bless Lincoln.
Lincoln has chosen me to be his earthly mother because of the love that a mother feels for her children. I will nurture, love, fight and pray for him until my knees are weak and I can no longer stand.
Lincoln has chosen Jayda to be his elder sister because of her unique ability to always comfort those around her. Lincoln knows that his mommy will need lots of special love from his big sister. Jayda loves Lincoln so much and will always help him.
Lincoln has chosen Maggie to be his big sister because of her unconditional love. She is always there to hug and kiss my belly and make Lincoln feel like a million bucks. She will sing him songs and talk to him. I think he has a special bond with her because he always starts to kick when she is around or talking to him.
We chose Lincoln because he is one of God's Angels. He has already taught me that the little things in life don't matter. He has taught me to love more than I thought my heart was capable of. He has taught me patience. He has reminded me that families are Eternal and that one day we will all be together in Heaven.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Hope
Last night Monte and I laid in bed and looked at some pictures of a girl he went to High School with. She has a little girl that was born with some of the same problems as Lincoln. I believe her little girl has Trisomy 21 (downs) but I am not sure. All we had was pictures to go off of but she has spina bifida and also club feet. Her mom took incredible pictures of their journey through many surgeries. She had to have her feet broken and put back into a cast. The day after she was born she went in for her first surgery on her Spina bifida. She had heart surgery and also had to have a drain in her head. Looking at her now pictures she is a happy and healthy 2 1/2 year old. She is the cutest girl EVER. Her feet look perfect and everything about her looks like a normal little girl.
She gave me so much HOPE that Lincoln, even though he may be born with all these abnormalities and health problems that over time we can help him become a happy and healthy little boy that can have a chance at a full life. We don't know yet how severe Lincolns conditions are but I am going to keep praying that he will grow and that he will make it to 40 weeks so we can do everything possible to give him the best chance at life.
We love you Lincoln thank you for helping mommy see the world in a whole new light! It's amazing the things that I thought mattered or were important just don't seem to matter any more. I used to stress that the house was a mess or the kids would change their clothes 10 times during the day. Now I am just grateful I have two beautiful princesses that can mess up my house and I don't care if they change their clothes...I can wash them! Before we found out about Lincoln's conditions I was stressing out because I felt like I was yelling all the time and that my house just seemed discontent. My patriartichal blessing talks about how I would have harmony and peace in my home. Now I am trying to have that harmony in my home, to just breathe and let some things go. Life is to precious to worry about all the little details of life, the laundry, the dishes, the unmade beds it can all wait!
She gave me so much HOPE that Lincoln, even though he may be born with all these abnormalities and health problems that over time we can help him become a happy and healthy little boy that can have a chance at a full life. We don't know yet how severe Lincolns conditions are but I am going to keep praying that he will grow and that he will make it to 40 weeks so we can do everything possible to give him the best chance at life.
We love you Lincoln thank you for helping mommy see the world in a whole new light! It's amazing the things that I thought mattered or were important just don't seem to matter any more. I used to stress that the house was a mess or the kids would change their clothes 10 times during the day. Now I am just grateful I have two beautiful princesses that can mess up my house and I don't care if they change their clothes...I can wash them! Before we found out about Lincoln's conditions I was stressing out because I felt like I was yelling all the time and that my house just seemed discontent. My patriartichal blessing talks about how I would have harmony and peace in my home. Now I am trying to have that harmony in my home, to just breathe and let some things go. Life is to precious to worry about all the little details of life, the laundry, the dishes, the unmade beds it can all wait!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Our Lincoln Blog
I am starting a new blog mostly for myself but also for family and friends that want to know the updates and follow how Lincoln is doing. Hopefully he will leave a long legacy and this blog will go on for years to come.
The beginning:
It was April 27, 2011, that was our scheduled ultrasound. Our appointment was at 3:30 pm and I was anxiously waiting to see our little baby and to find out what we were having. Monte took the afternoon off and we took the girls with us. Jayda and Maggie didn't really know what to think at the time, just that they were seeing mommy's baby on the tv. The ultrasound tech got busy and was looking around at all of his little body parts. She tried to tell what gender he was but he had his legs crossed and the umbilical cord was between his legs. After a half hour or so she looked one more time and said, "it's a boy!" I was so excited because I new in my heart that we were having a boy and also because it meant that Monte was not going to buy a bullet bike I had promised him if we were having a girl. When the tech was looking at Lincoln she said that he was measuring at 16 weeks and 6 days, I was at 19 weeks so he was measuring small.
After our ultrasound I had an appointment with Dr. Cox. I asked him about the baby being so small (of course I was worried they would move my due date to October 7th, which is what the ultrasound was saying). He said that he would take a look at the ultrasound and then give us a call. At that moment I had a feeling that something was going on but that feeling passed as the week went on. The following Wednesday I got a call from the doctors office saying that Dr. Cox wanted to meet with me the next morning. I immediately began to cry knowing that something had to be wrong with our little boy. I got a blessing from Monte that night that I would be able to sleep and worry about what the doctor had to say the next day. On Thursday Monte went to work and we carried our morning along just like any other one. I took the girls to a friends house and then went over to the doctors office. I tried to stay as calm as I could sitting in the doctors office. They got me right in and told me to go and sit in Dr. Cox's office. I knew that was another sign that something was going on. They handed me a box of tissues and I waited for the doctor to come in. Dr. Cox came in and immediately told me what was going on. He said that our little boy had a chromosome abnormality and had several other birth defects. He has spina bifida and VSD ( Ventricular Septal Defect) and several other defects. He said our baby either has Trisomy 18 or Trisomy 21.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I knew that our news was bad but I didn't imagine it would be this bad. I asked the doctor what he thinks we should do next and we agreed that I needed to get an amniocenteses done to find our exactly what Lincoln has.
My appointment was set for Monday. We called and talked to our family members and let them know what was going on. It seemed that with everyone we told it got a little harder and harder. I was grateful to my friend Jamie who kept my kids for awhile that day so Monte and I could talk about things and just hold eachother and cry. It was hard to think that just a week before in our minds we had a healthy baby boy and now we are dealing with a special angel that might not make it to his first birthday. We know that we have a special angel with us and we must be amazing people to be trusted with one of God's angels. We know that he will help us through this and bless little Lincoln.
So that is where we are now. I got the amniocenteses done on Monday, i was terrified for the procedure just because I didn't know what to expect. It went really good and wasn't as bad as I thought. Monday night I started having some strong contractions and some cramping so we went to the hospital around 10:30 at night. It turned out that my uterus was just under stress from the amniocenteses and everything was okay with Lincoln.
Now we just wait two weeks to find out the results. Each day I shed a tear for little Lincoln. I pray that he is not in any pain and that he will continue to grow so he can be with us for a little while. Our girls don't know what is going on with Lincoln yet but they know that something is going on. They have given me and Lincoln extra hugs and kisses. It is fun seeing them talk to him and tell me things like mommy the baby really wants this...and they try to give me cereal or candy or anything they think Lincoln wants.
I have a hard time keeping my other blog up to date but I plan to use this as a little journal and write down my thoughts and stories as time goes on. I have read several other blogs about families going through this same trial. Their blogs have left me uplifted and have filled me with hope, hopefully I can do the same for all of you who are going through this with us. Right now, this blog is set to private so only I can read it. When I am ready and we are ready for the world to know our story I will open it up for everyone to read.
I love you Lincoln and am so glad I get to be your mommy, even if it's only for a short period. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have that families are eternal and that some day I will return to live with my heavenly father where my son will be waiting with his arms open to give me the hug that I will be longing for. I am so grateful for my two healthy and beautiful princesses who keep me going every day. It's amazing how something like this can change your attitude about life and how precious our children really are. I want Monte to know that I love him so much and I am glad that I have him by my side to help me along the way and to pick me up when I am down. I am blessed beyond means that he is worthy to hold the priesthood and to give me the healing power that our Heavenly Father has given us.
The beginning:
It was April 27, 2011, that was our scheduled ultrasound. Our appointment was at 3:30 pm and I was anxiously waiting to see our little baby and to find out what we were having. Monte took the afternoon off and we took the girls with us. Jayda and Maggie didn't really know what to think at the time, just that they were seeing mommy's baby on the tv. The ultrasound tech got busy and was looking around at all of his little body parts. She tried to tell what gender he was but he had his legs crossed and the umbilical cord was between his legs. After a half hour or so she looked one more time and said, "it's a boy!" I was so excited because I new in my heart that we were having a boy and also because it meant that Monte was not going to buy a bullet bike I had promised him if we were having a girl. When the tech was looking at Lincoln she said that he was measuring at 16 weeks and 6 days, I was at 19 weeks so he was measuring small.
After our ultrasound I had an appointment with Dr. Cox. I asked him about the baby being so small (of course I was worried they would move my due date to October 7th, which is what the ultrasound was saying). He said that he would take a look at the ultrasound and then give us a call. At that moment I had a feeling that something was going on but that feeling passed as the week went on. The following Wednesday I got a call from the doctors office saying that Dr. Cox wanted to meet with me the next morning. I immediately began to cry knowing that something had to be wrong with our little boy. I got a blessing from Monte that night that I would be able to sleep and worry about what the doctor had to say the next day. On Thursday Monte went to work and we carried our morning along just like any other one. I took the girls to a friends house and then went over to the doctors office. I tried to stay as calm as I could sitting in the doctors office. They got me right in and told me to go and sit in Dr. Cox's office. I knew that was another sign that something was going on. They handed me a box of tissues and I waited for the doctor to come in. Dr. Cox came in and immediately told me what was going on. He said that our little boy had a chromosome abnormality and had several other birth defects. He has spina bifida and VSD ( Ventricular Septal Defect) and several other defects. He said our baby either has Trisomy 18 or Trisomy 21.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I knew that our news was bad but I didn't imagine it would be this bad. I asked the doctor what he thinks we should do next and we agreed that I needed to get an amniocenteses done to find our exactly what Lincoln has.
My appointment was set for Monday. We called and talked to our family members and let them know what was going on. It seemed that with everyone we told it got a little harder and harder. I was grateful to my friend Jamie who kept my kids for awhile that day so Monte and I could talk about things and just hold eachother and cry. It was hard to think that just a week before in our minds we had a healthy baby boy and now we are dealing with a special angel that might not make it to his first birthday. We know that we have a special angel with us and we must be amazing people to be trusted with one of God's angels. We know that he will help us through this and bless little Lincoln.
So that is where we are now. I got the amniocenteses done on Monday, i was terrified for the procedure just because I didn't know what to expect. It went really good and wasn't as bad as I thought. Monday night I started having some strong contractions and some cramping so we went to the hospital around 10:30 at night. It turned out that my uterus was just under stress from the amniocenteses and everything was okay with Lincoln.
Now we just wait two weeks to find out the results. Each day I shed a tear for little Lincoln. I pray that he is not in any pain and that he will continue to grow so he can be with us for a little while. Our girls don't know what is going on with Lincoln yet but they know that something is going on. They have given me and Lincoln extra hugs and kisses. It is fun seeing them talk to him and tell me things like mommy the baby really wants this...and they try to give me cereal or candy or anything they think Lincoln wants.
I have a hard time keeping my other blog up to date but I plan to use this as a little journal and write down my thoughts and stories as time goes on. I have read several other blogs about families going through this same trial. Their blogs have left me uplifted and have filled me with hope, hopefully I can do the same for all of you who are going through this with us. Right now, this blog is set to private so only I can read it. When I am ready and we are ready for the world to know our story I will open it up for everyone to read.
I love you Lincoln and am so glad I get to be your mommy, even if it's only for a short period. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have that families are eternal and that some day I will return to live with my heavenly father where my son will be waiting with his arms open to give me the hug that I will be longing for. I am so grateful for my two healthy and beautiful princesses who keep me going every day. It's amazing how something like this can change your attitude about life and how precious our children really are. I want Monte to know that I love him so much and I am glad that I have him by my side to help me along the way and to pick me up when I am down. I am blessed beyond means that he is worthy to hold the priesthood and to give me the healing power that our Heavenly Father has given us.
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