Our Lincoln Blog

I am starting a new blog mostly for myself but also for family and friends that want to know the updates and follow how Lincoln is doing. Hopefully he will leave a long legacy and this blog will go on for years to come.

The beginning:

It was April 27, 2011, that was our scheduled ultrasound. Our appointment was at 3:30 pm and I was anxiously waiting to see our little baby and to find out what we were having. Monte took the afternoon off and we took the girls with us. Jayda and Maggie didn't really know what to think at the time, just that they were seeing mommy's baby on the tv. The ultrasound tech got busy and was looking around at all of his little body parts. She tried to tell what gender he was but he had his legs crossed and the umbilical cord was between his legs. After a half hour or so she looked one more time and said, "it's a boy!" I was so excited because I new in my heart that we were having a boy and also because it meant that Monte was not going to buy a bullet bike I had promised him if we were having a girl. When the tech was looking at Lincoln she said that he was measuring at 16 weeks and 6 days, I was at 19 weeks so he was measuring small.

After our ultrasound I had an appointment with Dr. Cox. I asked him about the baby being so small (of course I was worried they would move my due date to October 7th, which is what the ultrasound was saying). He said that he would take a look at the ultrasound and then give us a call. At that moment I had a feeling that something was going on but that feeling passed as the week went on. The following Wednesday I got a call from the doctors office saying that Dr. Cox wanted to meet with me the next morning. I immediately began to cry knowing that something had to be wrong with our little boy. I got a blessing from Monte that night that I would be able to sleep and worry about what the doctor had to say the next day. On Thursday Monte went to work and we carried our morning along just like any other one. I took the girls to a friends house and then went over to the doctors office. I tried to stay as calm as I could sitting in the doctors office. They got me right in and told me to go and sit in Dr. Cox's office. I knew that was another sign that something was going on. They handed me a box of tissues and I waited for the doctor to come in. Dr. Cox came in and immediately told me what was going on. He said that our little boy had a chromosome abnormality and had several other birth defects. He has spina bifida and VSD ( Ventricular Septal Defect) and several other defects. He said our baby either has Trisomy 18 or Trisomy 21.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I knew that our news was bad but I didn't imagine it would be this bad. I asked the doctor what he thinks we should do next and we agreed that I needed to get an amniocenteses done to find our exactly what Lincoln has.

My appointment was set for Monday. We called and talked to our family members and let them know what was going on. It seemed that with everyone we told it got a little harder and harder. I was grateful to my friend Jamie who kept my kids for awhile that day so Monte and I could talk about things and just hold eachother and cry. It was hard to think that just a week before in our minds we had a healthy baby boy and now we are dealing with a special angel that might not make it to his first birthday. We know that we have a special angel with us and we must be amazing people to be trusted with one of God's angels. We know that he will help us through this and bless little Lincoln.

So that is where we are now. I got the amniocenteses done on Monday, i was terrified for the procedure just because I didn't know what to expect. It went really good and wasn't as bad as I thought. Monday night I started having some strong contractions and some cramping so we went to the hospital around 10:30 at night. It turned out that my uterus was just under stress from the amniocenteses and everything was okay with Lincoln.

Now we just wait two weeks to find out the results. Each day I shed a tear for little Lincoln. I pray that he is not in any pain and that he will continue to grow so he can be with us for a little while. Our girls don't know what is going on with Lincoln yet but they know that something is going on. They have given me and Lincoln extra hugs and kisses. It is fun seeing them talk to him and tell me things like mommy the baby really wants this...and they try to give me cereal or candy or anything they think Lincoln wants.

I have a hard time keeping my other blog up to date but I plan to use this as a little journal and write down my thoughts and stories as time goes on. I have read several other blogs about families going through this same trial. Their blogs have left me uplifted and have filled me with hope, hopefully I can do the same for all of you who are going through this with us. Right now, this blog is set to private so only I can read it. When I am ready and we are ready for the world to know our story I will open it up for everyone to read.

I love you Lincoln and am so glad I get to be your mommy, even if it's only for a short period. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have that families are eternal and that some day I will return to live with my heavenly father where my son will be waiting with his arms open to give me the hug that I will be longing for. I am so grateful for my two healthy and beautiful princesses who keep me going every day. It's amazing how something like this can change your attitude about life and how precious our children really are. I want Monte to know that I love him so much and I am glad that I have him by my side to help me along the way and to pick me up when I am down. I am blessed beyond means that he is worthy to hold the priesthood and to give me the healing power that our Heavenly Father has given us.