June 8th, 2011

I know everyone is waiting for an update and new pictures so I thought I would do this in order!  On June 8th I went in for a doctors appointment and ultrasound with Dr. Draper.  Monte and I felt that since we had just seen Lincoln 2 days before that it would be fine if he missed this appointment and we saved his vacation for when Lincoln came.  I felt good that morning and was super excited to see Lincoln and how much he had grown.  When I got to the appt I laid down on the table and the ultrasound tech got right in.  We started at his head and slowly made our way down his back. She said, there is his heart and it's not beating, I am sorry!  I knew though before she even said the words when I saw his little heart as still as can be that he had passed away and had returned home to our Heavenly Father.  The flood of tears began and emotions that I have never felt before surfaced.  I knew that Lincoln was so special and would not be with us on this earth for long but I had really hoped and prayed that I would have more time with him than 29 short weeks.  But Heavenly Father needed Linc's help and answered many prayers by taking him early. I had been so stressed out about what to do when it was time for Lincolns birth and what hospital to have him in and if we were going to do surgery or not...so many questions that had now been decided with Lincoln's passing.

 I waited in the dr's office for an hour and half for Monte to get home from work.  I prayed about what to do now and how on earth I was going to tell my sweet little princesses that loved their brother SO much.  We could go ahead and get induced that night or we could wait until my doctor was back in town and do it on Monday.  We had family pictures and pregnancy pictures scheduled for Tuesday night but we just couldn't imagine getting family pictures knowing that they wouldn't mean the same thing for us now. Once Monte got there we decided to go ahead and get induced right away.  I was totally not prepared for what was next!

I went to the hospital and a few hours later and I was finally getting induced. They had to use some pills to soften my cervix.  I had a hard time sleeping and soon learned that with a dose of Morphine I could sleep about 4 hours really good.  By 7 am the next morning I wasn't even dilated and the pills were not dissolving.